I was shocked to hear Jane has a man problem. She is one of those woman who you would think would be the last to have men issues! She is talented, funny, pretty, blonde. The type you would hate if she wasn't so wonderful! She has a friend who wants to be the "booty call" but nothing more. Jane isn't going to lower her standards to this and she shouldn't. So the friendship remains even though Jane has been yearning for something more for years.
I, like Jane, seemed to have found the perfect guy! Band Boy is talented, smart, funny, kind. He is close to his family! He is passionate about what he believes in. He volunteers and keeps up on whats going on in the world. He's a sports fan! He is self-affacing! He has confessed to a love of being in a relationship with the right person and yearns for the day he can kick back and watch his kids run around the backyard!
Reading that list of characteristics you would think he's a monk or that a guy this great must be a perfectly concocted vision of my imagination. Nope... Band Boy is real and he is a musician! You read right......a musician! A stereotype-bucking, cute, wickedly talented musician! A musician who has lived the rock star past, moved on and has grown-up! What is so hot is that while he may have grown up, he hasn't lost sight of his dream to make it in music! He has the talent and drive to make it happen and the integrity, modesty and faith to keep his head in the right place while doing it!
A friend once said finding her husband was like sending God a laundry list of what she wanted in a man and God delivering him to her door. The same could be said about Band Boy! I can't think of a characteristic on my list that Band Boy doesn't have. However, there was a hitch in my delivery. I was delivered the perfect guy and Band Boy was delivered the "buddy".
That's right, it's the age-old situation: I am the "friend that's a girl"...the buddy! I show up at his gigs and bring my friends. He supports my weight loss. Our emails are funny....supportive.....interesting! But that is where we keep it: email and the occasional phone call! Due to schedules, this is how it is! Would I love to hang, go to a concert or hockey game like I do with the rest of my friends, sure! Is it going to happen? Not likely. As frustrating as it is for me, how can I fault him for having a dream and the determination to make it happen! He is working days at the 9-5 and the rest of his waking hours working on pursuing the music career. He has no time to breathe, let alone anything else.That drive and sacrifice diferentiates the successful from the regretful. It is a very attractive quality to me! As a friend, I support that and should not be jealous of it! It isn't easy!
As I thought back to my conversations this weekend, it hit me: It wasn't disappointment I was feeling over Band Boy not liking me as more than a buddy or frustration that our friendship isn't what I want it to be. It is the fear that he is the last remaining quality guy on the planet that makes me sad!
We live in a media driven society. The media tells us that men are "only after one thing" and that the one thing is sex.......preferably with a Victoria Secret model eating a hamburger half naked while soaping down a hot rod! The average looking woman who drives her car through the car wash while eating a salad doesn't stand a chance! We are told men don't want to commit, want a young thing, just want to date! We are told they ALL go after what they want and if they don't they are "just not into you". This is why I believe women cling to the good guys like fleas on a dog! We are told they are hard to come by so if you luck into finding one, hang on!It just sucks when you do find one and he wants to be just a buddy! Or does it?
What is wrong with having a great guy friend? They can offer insight into the thinking of that weird other gender! They can explain sports and possibly fix our cars! They can support and be there for us without any of the complications of sex or restrictions of being exclusive. Women and men can learn how to relate to each other within the comfort of a friendship and not worry about rejection. There is freedom and comfortability in friendship you can trust and depend on.
This is what I have with Band Boy. As someone who has keep weight on to keep people away, I haven't had a lot of experience in relating to anyone honestly! Having Band Boy as a friend continues to be the ultimate learning experience! In the year we have been friends he has brought out the best in me. I learned early on that honesty and communication are important to any relationship, especially this one! And with that knowledge and the trust I have in our friendship, I have opened up in ways I didn't know I could. This doesn't mean we are conflict free. No way! We have just learned how to relate to each other. We are two stubborn, opinionated people! With Band Boy I have learned to not view everything as a battle! I have learned to put others feelings before mine! I have learned that honesty and vulnerability don't always come back to bite you in the rear! And we both learned that with humor, honesty and understanding, we can overcome any difference we may have!
Support is crucial in friendship and I think we do that for each other! I support the chase of the dream by getting the word out about gigs and going to see him play! I bring my friends and we have a blast! I am there to listen when need be and push......nag, maybe......to get him to slow down! As with any good friendship this support goes both ways! He is the best "food police" I could ask for and supports my weight loss effort wholeheartedly! I know I can count on him for advice with friend trouble, work trouble, fellow "groupie" trouble! My best friends love him and wish they could find a guy like him!
Writing this blog has revealed to me that is it possible for men and women to be friends! Band Boy and I are proof positive of this! Women should stop whining that these wonderful friendships with men aren't what we want them to be and embrace them for what they are!
Besides, who knows what will happen in the future! Jane told me this weekend that she knows God has a great guy picked out for her and when she finds him, it will be so easy! She is right! I think I am going to abandon the fear of Band Boy being the last good guy on earth. I am sure God will find a way to put me together with the perfect guy for me! When he does, it will be amazing! If it eventually becomes Band Boy, great. If it doesn't, I will still have one of the most amazing friends!
Some wise person once said "You can't pick your family, thank God you can pick your friends". My friends are my surrogate family! I love them all! Friends are a true gift from God and treasure them! And with their love and support, I will take full advantage of this season of being single! I will have fun without being tied down, dare to pursue the dreams I want, stay up all night and watch chick flicks or hockey, flirt shamelessly and live life to the fullest! I will be sharing this with all my awesome friends and I can't think of a better way to live! Like this post? Please share it, bookmark it or leave a comment.
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